All to myself

I've finally stolen away 30 minutes to sit and tap away at the keyboard.  Upon warming up my coffee for the umpteenth time in preparation of late afternoon blogging, I've been trying to decide what would be more therapeutic.  Should I simply ramble about the joys of the baby fashion show because Grace's diapers soaked through again?  Maybe I could use cyberspace as a platform to psyche myself up to create some new things for the first time in months...  Is 30 minutes anywhere near enough time to locate, dig up, and craft something truly meaningful and hugely profound in my awkward life right now? 

The latter would clearly be the best use of my time if I'm trying to maintain my sanity.  But, I don't know that I'm up for such a challenge.  Alas, that is the direction with which this blog entry is obviously veering.  That being said, ready... set... go!

In reflection of the many trials and tribulations that our family has had with that beautiful thing called breastfeeding, I've come to a conclusion or two about life in general.  First, I'm realizing more and more that the best thing for you is often nowhere near the easiest thing for you.  Breastfeeding is clearly the best thing for my baby as a myriad of studies have shown, but no one really lets a first time mom in on how truly trying its going to be.

Of course and like many other things in my life, had I known, I might not have possessed the courage to give it a whirl.  As if a whirl is really what I've given it.  That's not it at all.  Rather, I've given my commitment to it because I know the long term, big picture benefits.  As with much of life, we know the end result - a healthy, happy, person.  Still, the journey of infusing a high road concept into everyday life is also, in most cases, the road less traveled for a reason.

And with breastfeeding, I have witnessed the reasons.  There are plenty in my own life and I've heard many more come out of the mouths of friends, acquaintances, and strangers.  As not to delve too, too much into the intricacies of the female body, suffice it to say that it takes a strong family to stay committed to it.  I say family because the skill that is breastfeeding is a community effort if only within the community of one's home. 

And like life, I appreciate those around me that go before us.  I commend those that pass on both their defeats and their triumphs for the better good.  I thank those that see the everyday from a higher perspective, one that encourages and imparts the essence of life into others.

Because, really, those acts, those gestures, those people are the ones that make the journey worthwhile. 

Art by redletterwords

When EVERYTHING goes wrong

You know the days I'm talking about.  Its the day that everything goes wrong.  Everything.  I'm on the front end of one of those days now.  It's only 10AM and an observer would probably be surprised about how much hasn't gone right in the mere 2 hours that I've been awake today. 

The internet won't work at our house the day I decide that I'm going to buckle down and spend a few hours on the work at home project I've been neglecting since basically November.  This may or may not be because we forgot to pay our wireless bill that was due yesterday.  That, of course, caused a little rift between me and my favorite husband but we'll leave the details out of that event.  So I decide to be full of perseverence and head to the neighborhood coffee shop.  After circling the block twice due to a strange and very unclearly marked maze of construction, I finally happen upon a parking space.  I get to the counter and realize that I forgot my stamp card that entitled me to my free tall coffee today.  That free coffee could have been the little thing that changed the course of my day for the better.  Alas, it will have to be the redemption of the day some other time.  Then after committing about 5 mintues to connecting, unconnecting, and restarting my laptop, I find out from the cashier that their internet isn't working either.  Must be a local thing. 

So here I am now.  Tapping away my thoughts because I'm tempted to either be really frustrated or really amused at my morning.  Husband and I have been talking for days about this Monday morning; starting freshly focused and fully organized in the way we spend our time.  So after much talk, this ironic crescendo is not quite what I was hoping for as the jumpstart of my week.  I was hoping that things would go according to plan and that I'd be hugely productive in the ways I'd intended on being. 

As fate would have it, my plan was derailed.  My day was detoured due to construction within the fibers of life.  I could be annoyed that I've wasted a perfectly good morning with a ton of almosts.  And honestly, part of me is tempted to do so.  But, I have a secret motive that is swaying my emotions otherwise.  In a very odd way, a piece of me revels in the absurdity of a typical Monday morning laying to waste. 

You see, the frustrations of life offer me a unique opportunity if I am prepared to acknowledge them without pretense.  In these moments, I have the chance to look beyond my own intents and see a larger picture within the world around me.  Because really, me not starting my work at 10am will not cause me to be unable to do so tomorrow.  Unless of course, I give in to the frustration of today and haphazardly deem what didn't work today as unworkable tomorrow as well.  Or if I settle into the half truth that says the longer it doesn't happen the more likely it will continue to not happen. 

But, I am a believer of second chances.  I am an acknowledger of new mercies every morning.  I am a fan of the idea that failures = practice and success is inevitable if you practice long enough.  I'll be honest though.  This concept isn't necessarily my credo.  It isn't always the norm for my everyday life.  I am not necessarily a natural at cheerfulness & unending good spirits.  This perspective is something I am working out in my life.  Its a tool that I sometimes choose to employ and other times stubbornly do not. 

I like to think about this optimism as a wave of goodness that washes over me.  When it does, I get to make a choice.  I can choose to embrace the joy of something bigger than me or I can default to irresponsibly and self indulgently pushing a moment aside that has the opportunity to change me and my character.  Because I have a very real responsibility to be a better person than I am and there is always something in me that can be purer than it is.  This responsibility, both to myself and to those around me, is a commission that lights up a dark world and brightens a stormy heart a bit at a time. 

The famous quote that says "be the change you want to see in the world" is so true.  If I can change a little bit of me, then it always surprises me how the things around me change.  All it takes is a choice...

Combining

The past few months I've thought long and hard about combining my 2 blogs.  There has always been the blog that I write from the heart with and the blog that I nurture creativity with.  I've recently, however, been unable to shake the idea of merging to two. 

The idea probably stemmed from my intense need to simplify my life nowadays.  Daily life with 17 week old Grace Olivia has made me reconsider time my time and priorities in every crevice of my life.  Even still, I feel Blogger beckoning me.  No matter that I now average about 2 hours less sleep a night that 6 months ago.  Never mind that I can barely process through an entire idea much less put it to pen (or keyboard in this case).

Oh well.  Its too late now.  I've done it.  Tonight I imported my personal blog and uploaded it here onto my "business" blog.  No more separating church & state, fact & fiction, home & work.  We might as well just be honest now.

I am a stay at home mom that is lucky to get a shower some days.  I've not made anything new since this past fall for my shop.  The only way I got Grace's Easter hair bow done is because I somehow managed to balance her on the Boppy while I hand stitched the worst version of my Rose Garden Hair Snapper to date.

If you're still reading or following, you must either be a mom as well or have a sick sense of humor (no harm, no foul there!).  Stay tuned for what life looks like when everything is all mashed up together...