Monday, May 09, 2011

When EVERYTHING goes wrong

You know the days I'm talking about.  Its the day that everything goes wrong.  Everything.  I'm on the front end of one of those days now.  It's only 10AM and an observer would probably be surprised about how much hasn't gone right in the mere 2 hours that I've been awake today. 

The internet won't work at our house the day I decide that I'm going to buckle down and spend a few hours on the work at home project I've been neglecting since basically November.  This may or may not be because we forgot to pay our wireless bill that was due yesterday.  That, of course, caused a little rift between me and my favorite husband but we'll leave the details out of that event.  So I decide to be full of perseverence and head to the neighborhood coffee shop.  After circling the block twice due to a strange and very unclearly marked maze of construction, I finally happen upon a parking space.  I get to the counter and realize that I forgot my stamp card that entitled me to my free tall coffee today.  That free coffee could have been the little thing that changed the course of my day for the better.  Alas, it will have to be the redemption of the day some other time.  Then after committing about 5 mintues to connecting, unconnecting, and restarting my laptop, I find out from the cashier that their internet isn't working either.  Must be a local thing. 

So here I am now.  Tapping away my thoughts because I'm tempted to either be really frustrated or really amused at my morning.  Husband and I have been talking for days about this Monday morning; starting freshly focused and fully organized in the way we spend our time.  So after much talk, this ironic crescendo is not quite what I was hoping for as the jumpstart of my week.  I was hoping that things would go according to plan and that I'd be hugely productive in the ways I'd intended on being. 

As fate would have it, my plan was derailed.  My day was detoured due to construction within the fibers of life.  I could be annoyed that I've wasted a perfectly good morning with a ton of almosts.  And honestly, part of me is tempted to do so.  But, I have a secret motive that is swaying my emotions otherwise.  In a very odd way, a piece of me revels in the absurdity of a typical Monday morning laying to waste. 

You see, the frustrations of life offer me a unique opportunity if I am prepared to acknowledge them without pretense.  In these moments, I have the chance to look beyond my own intents and see a larger picture within the world around me.  Because really, me not starting my work at 10am will not cause me to be unable to do so tomorrow.  Unless of course, I give in to the frustration of today and haphazardly deem what didn't work today as unworkable tomorrow as well.  Or if I settle into the half truth that says the longer it doesn't happen the more likely it will continue to not happen. 

But, I am a believer of second chances.  I am an acknowledger of new mercies every morning.  I am a fan of the idea that failures = practice and success is inevitable if you practice long enough.  I'll be honest though.  This concept isn't necessarily my credo.  It isn't always the norm for my everyday life.  I am not necessarily a natural at cheerfulness & unending good spirits.  This perspective is something I am working out in my life.  Its a tool that I sometimes choose to employ and other times stubbornly do not. 

I like to think about this optimism as a wave of goodness that washes over me.  When it does, I get to make a choice.  I can choose to embrace the joy of something bigger than me or I can default to irresponsibly and self indulgently pushing a moment aside that has the opportunity to change me and my character.  Because I have a very real responsibility to be a better person than I am and there is always something in me that can be purer than it is.  This responsibility, both to myself and to those around me, is a commission that lights up a dark world and brightens a stormy heart a bit at a time. 

The famous quote that says "be the change you want to see in the world" is so true.  If I can change a little bit of me, then it always surprises me how the things around me change.  All it takes is a choice...


AnnalaneTaylor said...

Someone once told me that I was a good writer who wrote colorfully and made words come alive on the page. Kudos, Chrystal, for that is exactly the effect this essay achieved. Extremely well-written and powerful prose.

Chrystal Lynn Simmons said...

Thank you for finding this today, Anna! In the midst of a chaotic, messy, haven't had breakfast sort of morning... I needed this reminder! (-;