Monday, March 24, 2008

spring break - a break from the brain

so this week is spring break. no classes all week long. and, for the record, school is almost out. we graduation on may 16 and it's just so close.

i was talking to the honey last night and considering whether 1st year has been all it's cracked up to be. there's been some good times, but i'm finding that there's alot more to it than i initially intended. it's so easy to pick the most outgoing or freely spirit moving people out and be frustrated b/c i'm not @ their level. it's easy to feel like, during the crunch time, that i've not accomplished or grasped everything i was sent her to land. it's even easy to beat myself up for not trying all of the very cool outreaches and classes offered here @ bethel and thus deduct that i've wasted my time this last 9 months.

but last night i realized that we're all in different seasons. i, personally, have been in a deep place of deliverance most of this year w/ god getting @ all of the deeply hidden things that have terrorized relationships, tormented those that i love, and made lunchmeat of my insides b/c i'd not yet been ready to deal w/ some very hard things.

i guess, my point is, 1st year has not looked as i supposed it would look @ all. it's been alot of soaring ups and very low downs. it's been joyful, unbearable, infuriating, and freeing. i say all this b/c recently, i've had a hard time putting this year into perspective. i've heard myself and even listened to some others imply that i hadn't accomplished what i came here to do. the reality is, i had no idea what i came here to do. i knew that god would release some solid connections in my life here and that i would come into a place of expansion. beyond that, my expectations were quite nondescript.

so i feel like my perspective and god's are totally different about 1st year. i think that god is capable of accomplishing all that he has set out to do in me as well as through me. after having some light shed on this incident, i realized that this investment of my time will impact every portion of my life in the days to come. it will affect even the places in the future where my time is to bask brightly and joyously in the fullness of my dreams realized.

i just want to commend anyone that's every sacrificed a chunk of their life out to invest in your future as a child of god. it doesn't ever seem to be what we think it will be, but it's always a fruitful endeaver when you've got the right heart.

be blessed in the year of new beginnings!!


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